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The Difference Between Us

How I felt at the time…

Really, really scared. Ashamed. Felt like I had really messed up.

How I feel now…

Blessed that I have this right and adamant that every woman should have the right to choose.

My story…

I was overseas when I found out I was pregnant, in a staunchly Catholic third world country. I was going to school, living in a dorm with a hundred other girls my age, all locals. I didn’t want to tell them my fear of being pregnant- I didn’t speak the language well enough to communicate it anyways, but I asked a girl where a pharmacy was. I followed her directions and got to a little pharmacy. I tried to explain what I wanted, resorting to hand signals and facial expressions. The pharmacist tried to follow, eventually sliding birth control pills across the counter. No, I shook my head, too late for that. I didn’t even need to take the test, but I did anyways. Afterwards, i IMed my boyfriend, told him the news. Then, desperate, scared, I walked through the dark streets until I found a phone booth. I called my parents. I can remember the conversation, how quickly I started crying. Two days later I was on a plane back home. The girls at the school asked me what was wrong, why I had to leave so suddenly. I only hesitated for a second before I told them there was a death in the family. It was basically true, or it would be.  The strangest part is, what resonated with me the most, what consumed me at that point,  was the sudden difference between me and these girls. The difference that nationality, and money and choice offered.

I never second guessed my decision. There were no other options for me and I know it was absolutely what was right for me.  Occasionally I think, I’d have a baby right now, I’d have a one year old, I’d have a three year old. I think about what my life would’ve become. I think how everything would be different. And I never regret my decision. It never makes me sad. What does make me sad is the thought of all the women who don’t have a choice, and all the women forced into unsafe or illegal options. Most of all, I feel blessed, or lucky, to be able to make this decision and certain that I’ll fight for all women to have it.

6 Responses to “The Difference Between Us”

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