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Archive for March, 2010

Creating Life

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

How I felt at the time…

Terrified, Embarrassed, Depressed.

How I feel now…
Still embarrassed but, significantly less so. I am mostly filled with a great deal of sadness and a sense of loss.

My story…
I’m a romantic to say the least. I wanted every guy I met to be ‘the one’ that would last forever. Marry me. Be my husband. The father of my children. Sometimes I’m afraid I wished myself into it. I couldn’t afford birth control (not realizing then that I could get it for free) and I was having unprotected sex with a guy that I wanted to be the man of my dreams. My period was irregular because I wasn’t regulating it with birth control. So, my period was a couple of days late. I told myself repeatedly that it wasn’t true, that I was just over-reacting. But, my breasts were so tender and swollen, not too far from the feeling I have right before my period. I was rationalizing everything. The truth is, I knew I was pregnant. (more…)

Relief

Saturday, March 6th, 2010

How I felt at the time…

Well, it really hurt and I was terribly afraid. It felt like a huge violation and I felt somehow degraded and angry. Immediately after, it was a huge relief and all the angst that I had felt began to quickly dissipate.

How I feel now…

Now I feel like I am very lucky to have had the ability to go to a clean safe clinic not too far from home. There is this film, “4 months, 3 weeks and 2 days” and I cried. I couldn’t believe that it was so easy for me to have this procedure when women were suffering immensely to get the same procedure but with much higher risks. I am so thankful that I was able to have one and to be in a country where it is legal. If I hadn’t been allowed safe access, I too would have become desperate. Now that I am older, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t realize how fortunate I am to have been given that feeling of relief.

My story…

Inevitably in life, we all make mistakes. Keys left inside a locked car, harsh words spoken in anger, and getting pregnant at 17. When I look back at my life and sum up all that could be construed as a mistake, my abortion does not fall among those. On the contrary, it was one of the best decisions I made but, at the time, it didn’t feel that way…

(more…)