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Archive for July, 2012

29 year old Professional

Wednesday, July 4th, 2012

How I felt at the time…

Disappointed, Sad, Guilty.

How I feel now…

Content, Relieved, Empowered.

How far along was I…

7 weeks.

My story…

I was 4 months into a wonderful relationship with an amazing guy. After 29 years I had never been in love before this relationship and I was VERY excited and everyone could tell because things were moving extremely fast for us. My boyfriend was a professional basketball player overseas and he left for 4 and a half months to play ball. Well, when he finally returned I was ecstatic and couldnt wait to show him how much I missed him. After a night of food, laughs and a movie….we had sex unprotected for the first time. He attempted to pull out, but at that very moment I knew that he ejaculated inside of me and there was a possibility I was pregnant. After being 3 weeks late for my period and praying to God that I wasnt pregnant, I got the courage to go to a local grocery store and buy a test. The test read positive in less than 2 minutes and I screamed and cried….”Please not me!” My sister ran in my room at our apartment and she was the first I told. My boyfriend was on a business trip in Los Angeles and I texted him. He was just as scared and confused as I was. My sister encouraged me to keep the baby, but I knew that even though I was 29, established and in an amazing relationship….I wasnt mentally or emotionally ready to be a mother and I would regret the pregnancy and not take care of myself through an unwanted pregnancy. My boyfriend and I decided back and forth on either pregnancy termination or to raise the child. We decided to end the pregnancy after 7 weeks and become parents when we were married and emotionally ready to love and be parents to a child.

Not My First Rodeo…

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2012

How old was I when I had my abortion?

20 and 35.

What year did I have my abortion?

1996 and 2012.

How I felt at the time…

Fearful and unprepared.

How I feel now…

Mixed emotions.

My story…

11/26/1996 – 20 yrs old, in a casual, non-committed relationship, I was in no way financially or emotionally ready to care for a child, let alone share custody, etc with a college “friend” for 18+ years…additionally, I was taking anti-convulsive medications that weren’t recommended for use during pregnancy. He left his half of the cost of the procedure in an envelope on my pillow, my mother & best friend drove me across state lines & I had a surgical abortion. I believe I was 6-8 weeks.

Fast forward. 11/12/2004, 28 yrs old, the best day of my life, my husband, whom I’d been with for nearly 7 yrs, welcomed our first child. A planned pregnancy. The day I truly believed miracles happen.

And finally, today. 6/25/2012. I’ll be 36 in 4 days, still married to my wonderful husband, our 7 yr old son is the light off our life. Due to poor economy and unforeseen circumstances, we are financially unstable, our credit ruined, I’ve recently lost my job, we are feeling emotionally beat down by life and struggle to keep it all together for our son’s sake, and I found out I’m pregnant a week ago. We are scared to bring another child into this world of uncertainty and chaos. I’m so conflicted now that I know how much of a gift a baby is, especially with someone you love, having an incredible child together already. But still more afraid to go along with the pregnancy than to abort and not add any more irons to the fire off life we are already fighting. Tomorrow, I will surgically abort my 6 week old fetus, never telling a soul for fear of rejection. I’m trying to convince myself that this is the best for our son now. We don’t need to add to the instability in our life now. Not to mention outer ages once the baby goes to college.