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Archive for the ‘Teen Abortions’ Category

It’s hard to do the right thing

Monday, October 21st, 2013

To those thinking about abortion- everything is going to be okay. Take one day at a time. You are not alone!

My story….

When I was 15, I fell ill with the ‘flu’. It never even crossed my mind that I could be pregnant. I was attempting to be responsible. Was on birth control pills (which I had a very hard time not forgetting) and my boyfriend used condoms. The day my mom took me to our doctor and he requested I take a pregnancy test, I felt like I was going to faint. When they came in with my results confirming that it was indeed positive, I didn’t know what to think. So many things crossed my mind when I was getting up the nerve to tell my mother that I was in fact nearly 3 months pregnant. I finally confessed. She flew off the handle. I was threatened that if I didn’t abort then I could find a new place to live and have a “happy life in poverty”. Devastation set in. But I knew in my heart she was right. My life would be hell if I went through with having the baby. The baby’s father was absolutely worthless. He was 19 and doing nothing for himself. He didn’t even have a place to live. Automatically, I agreed to have it.
The night before my appointment I felt so sick that I thought I needed to go to the emergency room. There was absolutely no sleeping. I had fears that I would die from the abortion or die from remaining pregnant. I felt alone. Once we arrived at the clinic early in the morning, I sat and filled out paperwork. My mother hovered over me, watching me write down each answer. My heart was about to explode. Finally after all the bloodwork and exams, it was time. As I laid there waiting for my abortion to begin I knew I was doing the right thing. I was 15 after all. They doctor was very calming and caring. She walked me through the whole thing. The procedure itself wasn’t even close to being as horrible as I imagined. By the time I was in the recovery room doubt set in. Thankfully, two other women were ushered in. Once I knew I wasn’t alone, I knew I did the right thing.

To this day, I don’t regret my decision. The only thing I would change is to have someone more supportive there with me. Although I know now that my mom was just as scared as I was. I forgive her for being so harsh. That particular boyfriend ended up getting another girl pregnant a couple years after our ended relationship. To say the least, I’m happy I didn’t have his child!

To those thinking about abortion- everything is going to be okay. Take one day at a time. You are not alone!

How I felt at the time…

Scared, anxious, sad.

How I feel now…

Peaceful.

How old was I when I had my abortion?

15

How far along was I? 

3 months

Who I told…

Mom, younger sisters, dad, grandma, boyfriend

My Silence

Monday, April 29th, 2013

If you’re a woman, and maybe also if you’re a man, you’ve at some point been in a conversation about abortion. Come that time, maybe you felt everyone rushing around to find their role. There are the women and men who will talk about their abortions without shame. Good for them – it’s harder than it might seem. Then there will be those who nod and lament – they never had to make the decision and are uncertain what they would do. Then there are those who never had to make the decision but despite being pro-choice do not think abortion would be their choice. Then there are those who will sit in silence. I am one of those and I’m not proud of it.

Dr.King, ever so wise, said “In the end we’ll remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” I’d say that in the end we’ll remember not our friends silence, but our own. I had an abortion. I was seventeen and uneducated about sex and got pregnant. Home was unstable and I was working hard to be the first in my family to go to college. I didn’t want a baby. I wanted a college education and a good job and, when the time was right, a family. I had an abortion and it allowed me the freedom to educate myself. It allowed me the freedom to, as an adult, have the stability I wasn’t given as a child. I didn’t want to bring a child into more instability. I had an abortion and it was the right choice for me. I had an abortion and I don’t need to justify that choice. So why can’t I say that out loud?

I wish I could now tell a redemptive tale about that time, in a conversation about abortion, that I joined the loud and proud and said yes, I had an abortion and yes, it was the right choice for me. Yes, I am willing to risk stigma and judgement to protect that choice. But I haven’t. Not yet. What I’m afraid of I’m not sure.

I’ve heard the statistic that 1 in 3 women will have an abortion in their lifetime. But how many will admit to this? I’m realizing that if women like me, and me, can’t forward and stand behind our choice, then soon there might not be a choice. Abortion was the right choice for me. Now I just have to say it out loud.

And p.s. no MLK was not anti-abortion as some say.

Not Alone

Thursday, May 24th, 2012

How old was I when I had my abortion…

18.

Who did I tell…

Boyfriend, Roommate, Brother, Few Friends

How far along was I…

7 weeks from LMP

My story…

I’ve always wanted to be a mother, and still do. Birth, parenting, and motherhood enchant me, so much so that I eventually want to become a Nurse Midwife, and be able to give every woman the opportunity to bring her child into the world with as much support, love, joy, and knowledge as is possible. I want women to make informed decisions about when and how they will have their children; to offer them access to information about their own bodies which schools often refuse to teach due to politics. I want them to be able to give as much to the next generation as possible, when they are prepared.

Before I even took the pregnancy test, I had a lurking suspicion that I was not just myself anymore. In January my period had been irregular; I had it on the 6th, then again on the 26th, much shorter than my usual 30-day cycle. I am not sure whether this made the boy and I less careful about our usual pulling-out/condoms routine. I had not been on birth control for over a year and a half due to poor side effects, and felt oddly invincible against pregnancy. Plus, all of the scientific journals supported us: sperm, when even found to be present in pre-cum (they were not found in some studies), were minimally motile, and their levels only risked at most 2.5% possibility of pregnancy. That’s better than condoms! Better than regular use of the pill! We were backed by peer-reviewed journals, the iron shield of all well-educated researchers like ourselves.

Yet we must have been careless, for my physical symptoms all pointed to the springing forth of new life. I kept telling myself that they must just be menstrual cramps, even though I had never felt this type of tugging and pulling ache before. My boobs were absolutely perfect, approaching a full cup size larger. I just wanted to live with my love in my arms, constantly embraced, and ignore all obligations of school, work, and volunteering. Sex enabled me to get out of my head for an hour or two, and I appreciated feeling like something in the world was able to feel so right; that I was made for something.
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Parental Consent

Friday, June 10th, 2011

This is not a story of my own abortion, but of my daughters. She’s seventeen and she recently, without telling either her father or I, had an abortion by getting a judge to waive the parental involvement laws that, in the state we live in, mandate that a youth younger than eighteen receive parental agreement to their child’s choice to abortion. I only found this out by finding paperwork from a clinic detailing the results of her pregnancy test and pre-op information for her abortion. When I found the paperwork, I was initially livid- why would she do this without discussing it with us? How could she have gotten herself in this situation? I remember thinking- she’s such a good girl- while knowing that “good girl” or not, everyone makes mistakes. After the anger subsided, I was heartbroken. I’m her mother, and I’m a woman. I could’ve helped her, I could’ve made it easier for her and nursed her back to health, emotionally and physically. I could’ve explained to her that she doesn’t need to hide this decision, this huge part of her life- that her father and I would understand. I cried for days and was unable to look at her or hold a conversation with her.

Finally, because I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I sat her down and gently asked her why she did this without telling me or her father. She immediately started crying, which only made me cry, and said that she was embarrassed and ashamed and didn’t want to disappoint us or let us down. It broke my heart and I tried my best to explain to her that we wouldn’t have judged her, that we would’ve supported her decision and that she could’ve put herself at risk by not telling us.

It was a good moment and opened a new form of communication between us, but it also made me consider issues I’ve never thought of before. The shame and embarrassment surrounding abortion alienates people, especially women, and the states that require parental consent for abortion can easily lead to desperate, misinformed teens making bad and dangerous decisions. It’s important that we culturally move past the shame surrounding abortion and learn to speak freely about it- with our daughters and our mothers, but also with the men in our lives, with our sons and brothers and fathers.

 

 

Never Grow Up

Sunday, December 12th, 2010

How I felt at the time…

confused, sick, in a false content mood.

How I feel now…

depressed, but at peace.

How old was I when I had my abortion?

14

How far along was I?

8 weeks.

Who came with me to the abortion?

My mom.

My story…

I was 14, and extremely naive. Knew nothing, wanted nothing, except to be a mother. I dreamed of it. One day I slept over at my best friend’s house, and i woke up extremely nauseous. i ran to her bathroom and threw up. At that time i knew. I told her about me and my on-off boyfriend at the time, and she called her cousin to take us to Wal-mart for a pregnancy test. I went home later that day, and took it. Two lines appeared. Two. The test was positive. i called to tell my boyfriend. He was excited, and he told me that he would do whatever he could to support me and the baby. we even decided on names. When I discovered I was pregnant, I was shocked, and excited, and scared. i instanly was attached. When my mom wasn’t home, i’d play music in headphones and press them to my tummy so my baby could hear. Even though my baby’s ears weren’t developed yet, it was a comforting feeling. But as i went along, i started throwing up more often. My mom was worried at first. I knew I would have to tell her, but she had figured it out before i was ready to tell her. She was so mad and depressed, she instantly pressed me to “take care of it”, and shoved the phonebook at me and forced me to call. The increased stress was hard on both of us. She walked about the house, threatening that she wanted to kill herself, and I was terrifed. But i could do nothing more than lay on the bathroom floor, feeling so weak. My strenght was gone, pure gone. I knew it wasn’t the baby’s fault, he was just an innocent victim of a terrible mistacke, and for that, i wanted to make it up to him. i wanted to keep him, and be the best mommy i could. But I didn’t want is to come about it this way. The night before my appointment, i stood up to my mom and told her i was keeping the baby. she threw the phone at me and told me to call my aunt. She was supportive of any decision I made, and asked me many questions to help me untangle the tangled thoughts in my head. After talking with her and my cousin (who had a baby at 17) I knew what i had to do.

I loved this baby, would give my life for him, but i knew i could never give him the life he deserved. my friend and I agreed that I was giving my baby to God. i remember throwing up in a plastic bag before i walked into the clinic, and some guy come to me, shovved a piece of paper at me, and told me i was making a selfish coice. All i could think of, is “You don’t know me, you don’t know my situation, and i feel terrible of what i have to do, but what gives you the right to make me feel worse? I will suffer in my own way. Mind your own buisness.” I was given an ultrasound, and I had pictures of my baby given to me. my mom took them and put them in her purse. I went back and sompleted the procedure, which was difficult and painful, all i can remember is a lady by me that kept saying “take a deep breath; blow it all the way out” I did as she asked. Afterwards, my nausea ceased, and i had put myself into a false content state, to fool everyone that I was stable. I just wanted out. I left the clinic, got in the car, and covered myself with what was supposed to be my baby’s blanked. When I got home, My mother put the pictures of my pretty baby in the filing cabinet. I locked myself away in my room, and slept for 4 hours. When i woke up, she was gone, and I tokk the pictures out of the filing cabinet. I keep them in my favorite book, on the page of my Estimated due date. After that, I cried all night for four weeks. And I still do. But I have come to peace with it, My baby is with God. For awhile i felt like i was forbidden from entering a church, but my good friend told me that i was forgiven, and i belived her.  I’m still learning to forgive myself, but i always come to the fact that i will never really forgive myself. i just wanted to tell my story, because i know that if someone had told me, “I know it hurts, but if you feel that this is the best thing for the baby, god will forgive you, and you can resume living in harmony.” I’d feel a bit better about this whole thing. Last night, i had a dream that i was holding my baby; It was a beautiful girl. She was at peace, but all i could do was cry. I don’t know why i was crying. When i woke up, i closed my eyes and begged my memory to let me see her again. But she was gone. As long as she is safe, i am at a slight peace.

Secrets

Tuesday, October 5th, 2010

How I felt at the time…

Overwhelmed by shame and guilt. Fearful of judgement.

How I feel now…

At peace with my decision, grateful that I had the choice.

How old were you when you had your abortion?

17

My story…

It’s taken me a while to tell this story. I still barely tell it- it seems years pass and secrets seem to collect. This is one of those secrets. The story is probably fairly common-  I was raised in a Christian household, I didn’t know enough about birth control. I was told there were two types of women- the type that keep their legs shut and the type that regret not keeping their legs shut. Before my abortion  I was the former. After my abortion, I wasn’t sure anymore. Years later, I remember watching the movie “Juno” and hearing her father tell her “I thought you were the kind of girl that knew when to say when.” I so understood when she said “I don’t know what kind of girl I am.” I definitely didn’t think I would be the girl who had an abortion.

I obviously couldn’t tell my family, so I asked the “father” to accompany me to the procedure. I remember feeling I had to beg him. I was overwhelmed by shame, and felt that this was inherently “my problem.” I was tormented by thoughts that I’d be punished for this, that I would be forever tarnished. I completely remember being overhwhelmed by my own guilt, but I barely remember the procedure.However, I remember asking him to pay for half of it (it was $300- a lot). After, I remember telling him that I’d pay him back when I had enough money.

I’m now fiercely pro-choice. I’m sad that I had to bear such shame and guilt for such a simple mistake and I hope other woman don’t, that other women will accept that a mistake is a mistake. However, it’s not so simple. I know. I’m pro-choice, but still not open about my abortion. I have shared it- I’ve told my mother, years later. She cried, and said she wished she had been there for me. And I told my daughter, who will hopefully learn from my mistakes and know that  I will always support her as she makes her own.

15 and Preggo -This Is Not How It Ends

Thursday, September 16th, 2010

How old were you when you had your abortion?

15.

How I felt at the time…

Fine.

How I feel now…

Fine.

My story…

When I was a 15 year-old high school sophomore, I got pregnant. My boyfriend and I had been using condoms, but not consistently (clearly.) I had not actually thought anything about my missing period – a friend who had been worrying over her being late and my mom had to trigger my interest and intuition. I started being exhausted and craving eggs and jalapenos, so my BF and I trekked to the planned parenthood for a test. They asked what options I wanted if it turned out positive, and abortion was the only thing I wanted.

I was NOT going to make my life the catastrophe of me growing fat on the couch while I dropped out of school and raised a brat with some asshole I barely cared about. I was saving money for college. I got amazing grades. I was an AP student. This is not where my life was supposed to end. So get it out of me!

I was about 6  weeks gone then, and at that time you could only get a medical abortion. So I had to wait another week – 7 weeks was the medical minimum – tell my mom so she could sign the paperwork, and come up with $380. In high school. That was a lot of money.

My BF took the cash out of his parents’ account, with the thinking that we’d simply tell them after it was done and hope they’d be pleased (they were.) My mom cried when I told her, then confessed that she and my father had aborted two years before I was born, when they were in high school. I made the appointment for a Friday I had off from school, and my mom had off from work (because she worked in the school system.) It happened to be Valentine’s Day. (more…)

First Steps

Friday, July 9th, 2010

How I felt at the time…

Not really present, ashamed, scared someone would find out.

How I feel now…

Relieved. Grateful.

My story…

First off, I should say that I was raised in a very religious family. Strangely enough, eventually my parents got divorced and I lived with my mom for most of my childhood. I was seventeen when I got pregnant. My mother had no idea I had been having sex with my boyfriend of three years, and I didn’t really want to get into it with her. Almost immediately, I knew I wanted an abortion. It was strange, considering how I spent most of my life hearing that abortion was the quickest one way ticket to hell. It’s strange to say, but I think that was my first real step to being my own person- I knew I didn’t want to be the person I was told I should be. I knew I wanted to get out of the town I lived in and sadly, away from my family. I just always thought my boyfriend would be a part of the great escape plan.

There weren’t many people for me to tell. Well, there were a lot of people, but none that I could actually tell about it. That part was hard. I hate lying, and there were suddenly a lot of lies to tell- covering up for feeling sick, for not having money (I was saving it), for why I wasn’t drinking at parties. It was almost disassociating- like I had already taken steps away from the life I was a part of. Finally there was the biggest lie- where was I spending a whole weekend- one day with my boyfriend at Planned Parenthood, another to recover. I told my mother I was going with friends to visit a friends sister at college. She had a fit and I held my ground. None of this made anything any easier. (more…)

A Serious Relationship

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

How I felt at the time…

Kind of sad. Really frightened.

How I feel now…

Sad still. Relieved also. Different.

My story…

My boyfriend and I were madly in love. I was only 16, he was 20, but we knew we would be together forever. I was a virgin when I met him, but he wasn’t. After four months together, we took the next step and had sex. For some reason, I never really even thought about birth control. Sometimes we used condoms, sometimes we didn’t. It only took two months for me to get pregnant.

When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately wanted to keep the baby. I told my boyfriend and he started crying. He wanted to keep it too. We decided we would move in together and do whatever it takes to take care of our child. But the next day I went to school and thought about what that really means. I was a good student, and I had plans to be the first person in my family to go to college. I thought about asking my mom, but I wasn’t sure I wanted her advice or wanted to know what she thought. She had me when she was my age, and might not understand me not wanting to do the same thing. (more…)

No Regrets

Saturday, May 22nd, 2010

How I felt at the time…

Nervous, relieved, disconnected.

How I feel now…

I feel that I made the right decision for me.

Who did you tell?

My best friend and my then boyfriend.

My story…

I was young, and though abortion was a difficult decision, I chose to go through with it without a second thought. A hard decision to make, but I knew it was the right choice for me. Not hard because I thought I might want to keep the baby, but more so because I was afraid of the aftermath. The aftermath of whether or not I would live to regret it when I actually got married and had kids that I was “supposed to” have. How would I feel when I look at my children in the future? Is that when I would feel the sadness? Because though it was a dark time in my life back then, I can honestly say I was not sad about the decision I made, but more thankful that abortion was an option to me as a young woman (who still lived under her parents’ roof). (more…)