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Archive for June, 2010

The Great Divide

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

People seem to believe that abortion creates some great divide- women who have had abortions, women who haven’t. Pro-choice, pro-life. On and on. But my experience with abortion makes me think that there’s another divide- between the perception of women who have had one abortion and the perception of  women who have had multiple abortions. I’ve had three abortions. I’m not uneducated and I’m not irresponsible. I’m a lawyer, I’m in my early thirties, I have a great life. I wouldn’t choose to have more abortions, and I don’t believe abortion is birth control. I simply cannot take birth control because it makes me feel horrible, and this has led to me getting pregnant.

It’s strange, because often in hearing about other women’s experiences with abortion, there’s a sense that abortion is necessary…once. As if it’s a get out of jail free card that you can use and learn a lesson from. I feel as if many women support abortion, but only once. You only get one abortion to learn your lesson. After that there’s no sympathy, no empathy. You’re perceived as irresponsible, or demonized. I can’t explain the judgment I’ve received from people- even close friends and family. I choose to openly stand behind my abortions, without shame, and will talk about them when asked (or if the conversation entails.) Over and over again, I can see the difference in people’s judgment between having one abortion and having three. (more…)

A Serious Relationship

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

How I felt at the time…

Kind of sad. Really frightened.

How I feel now…

Sad still. Relieved also. Different.

My story…

My boyfriend and I were madly in love. I was only 16, he was 20, but we knew we would be together forever. I was a virgin when I met him, but he wasn’t. After four months together, we took the next step and had sex. For some reason, I never really even thought about birth control. Sometimes we used condoms, sometimes we didn’t. It only took two months for me to get pregnant.

When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately wanted to keep the baby. I told my boyfriend and he started crying. He wanted to keep it too. We decided we would move in together and do whatever it takes to take care of our child. But the next day I went to school and thought about what that really means. I was a good student, and I had plans to be the first person in my family to go to college. I thought about asking my mom, but I wasn’t sure I wanted her advice or wanted to know what she thought. She had me when she was my age, and might not understand me not wanting to do the same thing. (more…)

Not a Grandma

Sunday, June 6th, 2010

How I felt at the time…

Confident but sad.

How I feel now…

Happy that my daughter made a good choice for that time in her life.

My story…

As I look back on the moment when my daughter told me she was pregnant and wanted to have an abortion, I totally realize that we have an amazing relationship as mother and daughter. My first thought  was that she is pregnant with a potential grandchild. Of course I began to imagine and fantasize how it would be to be a grandmother. Several of our friends’ children were married and having babies and I had enjoyed vicariously all the steps, celebrations, and stories about that stage that our friends were experiencing.
My fantasy and thoughts were very short-lived because I knew that my daughter had made a correct choice for herself when she decided to terminate the unwanted and unplanned pregnancy. She had just begun her career. She had really just started her life. I supported her dreams and I knew that this was particularly hard because she had just started life as a single woman.  I did talk to her about her options. I needed her to know that the future isn’t guaranteed, she might not necessarily have another chance to have a child. I wasn’t trying to make it harder, but she needed to hear it. (more…)