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At peace with surgical abortion

I recently got out of a four year relationship and also quit a job that I’ve had for five years as an RN. I had money saved up as well as on the side income to give me a few months of exploration, taking care of myself, taking care of my 1900’s era house that I now owned by myself, and an old cat, plus getting into many creative and personally fulfilling pursuits, and finding a better job for me. Well in the middle of all this I found out I had gotten pregnant with a man I had been dating casually, although I had been using the forms of prevention that had worked for me for the last 12+ years. It was unexpected but the baby’s dad really wanted me to go though with the pregnancy, he wanted to be with me and wanted a family. This all seemed too much too fast for me, as someone of divorced parents could probably relate, that is a lot of commitment to someone I had only just met after just saying goodbye to my last relationship which took a lot out of me. I felt I was beginning to get myself back again and didn’t feel emotionally ready for a pregnancy or child. After a few weeks of thought and talking, I decided on an abortion. The surgical procedure really scares me but at 12 wks it was my only choice. The day of the procedure I brought a friend which made a WORLD of difference, I couldn’t have done it alone and I couldn’t have done it with the baby’s father. I had a pain reliever and an Ativan, and the procedure was quick and not too horrible, other than the dilation. That part really was so painful I didn’t think I could do it, but the nurse and doctor were so kind and made it quick so it was over before I knew. Immediately after it was all done maybe ten min, I felt great. The cramps subsided and my friend took me out to lunch. It’s been a few hours now and I will probably post another update in a few weeks to see how I’ve been feeling. So far I just feel relief and happiness, proud that I did it. I am looking forward to get periods again and having my monthly cycle and returning to the things I love doing that I lost interest or energy for while pregnant. I have learned so much from this experience that would help me be a better mom in the future or at least helped me learn more about myself and what’s important in life.

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