facebook : twitter  : email  : donate

Surgical termination at 12 weeks update 3rd day

Just writing another update. My last post was three days ago after I had my abortion, which I wrote about the details of, the procedure itself was painful but I was well cared for and consider it overall very positive. I have gone through many emotions since then including a lot, I cannot stress this enough, a LOT of learning and reflecting that I am so grateful to be experiencing although it has been hard.
Physically I have been fine, some cramps and lower back pain I took an ibuprofen just once but I mostly feel fine so far. Bleeding only the first two days. We will see how that goes as time progresses. I do have a ton of energy back which is nice.
Emotionally I have felt many things. Relief about not continuing a pregnancy that didn’t feel right and from feeling uncontrollably emotional, scared, depressed and stuck. Realization that things would have been okay and some regret that I didn’t see it though, although not really because I never would have been able to learn these things and have this perspective, which I am grateful for. Gratefulness for a new appreciation for life and the gifts it bestows on everything, for the opportunity to address my emotional challenges and forgive myself, and for all this learning and support of people who love me. Sadness for the opportunity I did have to lose because of this choice. New determination and hope for a future and the life I want to make. Some anxiety and sadness over seeing my boyfriend feel sad, although his support through this has helped me feel a love and a trust for him that I wasn’t able to feel before. And also just today a very acute sense of loss of confidence and a feeling of not being “special” anymore. That was a weird one. But those are all the things I’ve felt so far. For me it HELPS SO MUCH TO TALK, feel my feelings, and let them pass. Sometimes being alone just to recognize what I’m feeling and accept it helps, and then afterwards this is usually followed by a sense of gratefulness, peace, or comfort. I have realize there is no right choice there is only learning from your choices. I would like to be pregnant in the future and am currently working on the self care I so much need before I’m ready for that. I’m much more tender and gentle and appreciative with myself and others now. Every smile feels like a gift. Just so many changing emotions and reflections. I consider this pregnancy to be a gift and a lesson I will never, ever forget. I am a different person now, and I do feel proud. I know this is long but hopefully it helps someone. I’ll write another update in a week probably. I will say also that finding supportive from people who love you or can understand even if it’s just online or through clinic counseling helps immensely. It can change your whole outlook. Kindness and love for yourself and others really is everything. Thank you for reading this.

Leave a Reply