How I felt at the time…

Stupid, scared, confused

How I feel now…

At peace

Who I told…

My best guy friend, my sister, my stepmom, and my dad

Who came with me to my abortion…

My stepdad

How old was I…

20

My story…

When the word “Pregnant” showed up on that pee stick I thought my world was over. I saw my college and professional careers go down the tube. I saw many of my relationships crumble or strain. I saw the looks of disappointment on many of my family members faces. I saw my world end. All of this flooding my mind in what seemed like ten minutes, but was only ten seconds. Yes, I was probably overreacting, but I’m 20 and in college… It tends to happen. As I put my hand on my belly and put the test up to the light for the tenth time to make sure I wasn’t misreading it, I knew in the back of my head there was no way that I could keep it. It wasn’t the right time in my life at all. I was getting ready to start my junior year of college. There was no way I could financially or academically take off a semester, let alone a year of school to be pregnant.  It wasn’t possible.
I walked out of the bathroom and into the living room to break the news to my dad. As tears began to run down my face he got up and hugged me. He promised me that no matter what my decision was he was behind me the whole way through. He kept his promise, taking me to all of the appointments and supporting me through it all.
Since then I’ve had to deal with friends who don’t know about what happened making comments about abortions and people who get them, throwing around terms like “baby killers” and “heartless” like nothings. I’ve had to walk through the demonstrations by our on-campus “pro-life” group. It’s become easier to brush these aside and not let them hurt me, but it still happens. The thing is I’m not heartless. Hell, I’m going to school to be a teacher! I also practically raised my baby sister. That’s exactly how I knew I wasn’t ready. I just remind myself that those people don’t know me. They don’t know my story. They don’t know how I felt or what I experienced. I’m at peace with myself, and to me that’s all that matters.
What it all comes down to what that It was my decision and my life. I can’t change my decision, nor would I ever. I followed my head and my heart, and my story would have been completely different if I hadn’t.

How old were you when you had your abortion?

15.

How I felt at the time…

Fine.

How I feel now…

Fine.

My story…

When I was a 15 year-old high school sophomore, I got pregnant. My boyfriend and I had been using condoms, but not consistently (clearly.) I had not actually thought anything about my missing period – a friend who had been worrying over her being late and my mom had to trigger my interest and intuition. I started being exhausted and craving eggs and jalapenos, so my BF and I trekked to the planned parenthood for a test. They asked what options I wanted if it turned out positive, and abortion was the only thing I wanted.

I was NOT going to make my life the catastrophe of me growing fat on the couch while I dropped out of school and raised a brat with some asshole I barely cared about. I was saving money for college. I got amazing grades. I was an AP student. This is not where my life was supposed to end. So get it out of me!

I was about 6  weeks gone then, and at that time you could only get a medical abortion. So I had to wait another week – 7 weeks was the medical minimum – tell my mom so she could sign the paperwork, and come up with $380. In high school. That was a lot of money.

My BF took the cash out of his parents’ account, with the thinking that we’d simply tell them after it was done and hope they’d be pleased (they were.) My mom cried when I told her, then confessed that she and my father had aborted two years before I was born, when they were in high school. I made the appointment for a Friday I had off from school, and my mom had off from work (because she worked in the school system.) It happened to be Valentine’s Day. (more…)

My abortion isn’t something I’m ashamed of. I had taken precautions, I was on birth control, and I got pregnant. As my gynecologist assured me, these things happen. And they do. And you get through them, although it doesn’t always seem that way at the time.

I found out I was pregnant about six weeks in. I had no appetite but felt nauseous. I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I took three more, and had a friend take one as well. Me- four pluses, her- one negative. I went to Planned Parenthood and decided to have a medical abortion. My appointment was set for ten days later, so I had ten days of resting with my decision. I gave it endless thought, but never wavered. But I was surprised by how much in awe of my body I was. For ten days, I was constantly aware that there were two people where there used to be one. I brought a friend to the appointment with me, but didn’t tell the boy I was dating or my parents. I didn’t suspect they would try to convince me otherwise, I just wanted it to be as simple and quick as possible. I took the RU-486 pills one day, and then the next, exactly as instructed. It was two long days, but I just kept telling myself- soon this will be over.

When I went back for my follow-up exam the next week, they did an ultrasound and told me that the pills hadn’t fully worked. I tried to grasp the concept- to what extent did they work? What existed inside me right now? They told me I’d have to have a surgical abortion and I made another appointment for four days later. I felt removed from it all. It was a surgery, a medical procedure. Any indecision or grief I could’ve experienced had to have already passed.

I returned for my surgical abortion and chose a local anesthetic. I watched them perform the surgery- several minutes, nothing more. I went home and rested and knew that it was finally all over.

I’m not ashamed of my abortion. If it comes up in conversation, I’ll easily talk about it. I share my story so other women in similar situations will know that they’ve done nothing wrong, that there are millions of women who have gone through it and that they are not alone.

How I felt at the time…

Not really present, ashamed, scared someone would find out.

How I feel now…

Relieved. Grateful.

My story…

First off, I should say that I was raised in a very religious family. Strangely enough, eventually my parents got divorced and I lived with my mom for most of my childhood. I was seventeen when I got pregnant. My mother had no idea I had been having sex with my boyfriend of three years, and I didn’t really want to get into it with her. Almost immediately, I knew I wanted an abortion. It was strange, considering how I spent most of my life hearing that abortion was the quickest one way ticket to hell. It’s strange to say, but I think that was my first real step to being my own person- I knew I didn’t want to be the person I was told I should be. I knew I wanted to get out of the town I lived in and sadly, away from my family. I just always thought my boyfriend would be a part of the great escape plan.

There weren’t many people for me to tell. Well, there were a lot of people, but none that I could actually tell about it. That part was hard. I hate lying, and there were suddenly a lot of lies to tell- covering up for feeling sick, for not having money (I was saving it), for why I wasn’t drinking at parties. It was almost disassociating- like I had already taken steps away from the life I was a part of. Finally there was the biggest lie- where was I spending a whole weekend- one day with my boyfriend at Planned Parenthood, another to recover. I told my mother I was going with friends to visit a friends sister at college. She had a fit and I held my ground. None of this made anything any easier. (more…)

How I felt at the time…

Nervous, relieved, disconnected.

How I feel now…

I feel that I made the right decision for me.

Who did you tell?

My best friend and my then boyfriend.

My story…

I was young, and though abortion was a difficult decision, I chose to go through with it without a second thought. A hard decision to make, but I knew it was the right choice for me. Not hard because I thought I might want to keep the baby, but more so because I was afraid of the aftermath. The aftermath of whether or not I would live to regret it when I actually got married and had kids that I was “supposed to” have. How would I feel when I look at my children in the future? Is that when I would feel the sadness? Because though it was a dark time in my life back then, I can honestly say I was not sad about the decision I made, but more thankful that abortion was an option to me as a young woman (who still lived under her parents’ roof). (more…)

How I felt at the time…

Anxious, angry, really alone and mad at myself

How I feel now…

I never questioned my decision. I know it’s what was right for me. But I definitely wish I had told the people in my life and asked for support.

My story…

When I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend and I immediately went to Planned Parenthood. I didn’t even consider other options- I didn’t want a baby and I didn’t want to be pregnant. There was nothing to consider except what kind of abortion I was going to have. I decided to have a medical abortion and we came back to PP three weeks later. They were some of the longest weeks of my life- despite being tired and nauseous all the time, I was so scared of the abortion and all the things I had been reading. I had so many questions but I couldn’t find any answers. I didn’t feel second guess my decision or feel like it was bad or  wrong, but I still didn’t want to tell anyone. Because  I didn’t, I felt like I was lying to everyone in my life. (more…)

How I felt at the time…

Well, it really hurt and I was terribly afraid. It felt like a huge violation and I felt somehow degraded and angry. Immediately after, it was a huge relief and all the angst that I had felt began to quickly dissipate.

How I feel now…

Now I feel like I am very lucky to have had the ability to go to a clean safe clinic not too far from home. There is this film, “4 months, 3 weeks and 2 days” and I cried. I couldn’t believe that it was so easy for me to have this procedure when women were suffering immensely to get the same procedure but with much higher risks. I am so thankful that I was able to have one and to be in a country where it is legal. If I hadn’t been allowed safe access, I too would have become desperate. Now that I am older, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t realize how fortunate I am to have been given that feeling of relief.

My story…

Inevitably in life, we all make mistakes. Keys left inside a locked car, harsh words spoken in anger, and getting pregnant at 17. When I look back at my life and sum up all that could be construed as a mistake, my abortion does not fall among those. On the contrary, it was one of the best decisions I made but, at the time, it didn’t feel that way…

(more…)