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My Procedure is Scheduled in Two Weeks

How I felt at the time…

Anxious, low, upset, sure

How I feel now…

Haven’t had the procedure yet.

Who I told…

Mother, sisters, and two close friends

My story…

I’m 27 and have a teaching career. I was always either unsure or certain I didn’t want children. I’ve dedicated my life working with children and youth, but I wasn’t sure having kids was right for me. I had moved cities for my job, teaching trouseled youth, I was so excited. It was a smaller city and I the thought of meeting someone was low on my priority list. But a week into my dream job, I met him. He was funny, caring, and worked with the same population of kids I did! He made me feel so special and I felt I could be myself with him, no holds bar.

Things moved quickly. He told me loved me, and I loved him too. He spoke of marrying me, eloping in Vegas in 6 months time. He would daydream of having kids with me- tell me beautiful things about our life , love, and kids. I felt so lucky to have someone like him- my family fell in love with him too, they all said , he’s the one, something is different and special about this relationship! He had me choosing styles of rings. And started telling me how he wanted to get me pregnant. He wanted us to be a family. He had a four year old girl already; whom he saw every two weeks. He adored her. And so did I. Then things started to get weird. He would withdraw for 6-12 hours at a time, when any issue would arise or when i would bring up my feelings. It got to the point I was very careful of what I shared or told him. He stopped saying the word love and stopped talking about our wedding, or kids. I found out I was pregnant. His reaction was neutral and he spoke on the phone to my sister about our pregnancy news.

Within a week I knew something was wrong. I was scared to talk to him and upset most of the time, he never mentioned the pregnancy…. And when I did it went unacknowledged. He played the boyfriend role still but I knew it was wrong/not goin well. We told my whole family while he didn’t tell his. I gave him time and space to process everything. But unfortunately it wasn’t a little time and space he needed. I decided to tell him one day his actions one night hurt my feelings and that it meant a lot to me when he kept me in the loop of our lives together. (The incident isn’t really important) he started to detach and shut down like he typically does in these situations. He didn’t come home that night…. Or the next. Didn’t answer my calls or texts. The first night I thought something had happened- I was so worried. 5 days later when he finally agreed to speak to me, he explained that we weren’t right for each other and we fought too much and that he wouldn’t run away from this child and would help when he could.

I was ready for news of this nature. I had cried for days on end and was staying with my parents for support. I felt abandoned and alone. I felt ashamed and disgusted, I felt stupid and foolish for believing him, for loving him, for allowing myself to be in this situation. Then a friend told me “it’s a never a bad thing to trust and love someone” it made me realize I wasn’t a fool. It took a few days of deep thought and meditation , and seeking the support and guidance of close friends, my sisters, and the staff at planned parenthood, that I made my decision to get an abortion. Even despite being in the position of having a baby alone, I was not ready to have a baby, it was not the right time. My appointment is in two weeks. Ill be 12 weeks when the procedure date arrives. The support of my family, my friends, and the support from myself. The waiting is difficult, but I am sure this is the right choice for me and I am grateful my country allows this right for women… It’s not an easy decision. It’s something that is difficult beyond words and has caused pain… This website has given me hope and made me feel less alone in all of this. Thank-you.

One Response to “My Procedure is Scheduled in Two Weeks”

  1. admin Says:

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful story and inspiring others to continue to trust and love others. Please know that you’re not alone and that you have all our support. We know this isn’t an easy choice and it’s so wonderful that you shared your story with women who have been – or are – in a very similar place. Thank you!

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