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A Serious Relationship

How I felt at the time…

Kind of sad. Really frightened.

How I feel now…

Sad still. Relieved also. Different.

My story…

My boyfriend and I were madly in love. I was only 16, he was 20, but we knew we would be together forever. I was a virgin when I met him, but he wasn’t. After four months together, we took the next step and had sex. For some reason, I never really even thought about birth control. Sometimes we used condoms, sometimes we didn’t. It only took two months for me to get pregnant.

When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately wanted to keep the baby. I told my boyfriend and he started crying. He wanted to keep it too. We decided we would move in together and do whatever it takes to take care of our child. But the next day I went to school and thought about what that really means. I was a good student, and I had plans to be the first person in my family to go to college. I thought about asking my mom, but I wasn’t sure I wanted her advice or wanted to know what she thought. She had me when she was my age, and might not understand me not wanting to do the same thing.

My boyfriend took me to a clinic and waited with me. Afterwards I was in pain, bent over, and felt really nauseous. I couldn’t look at my boyfriend. We went to a hotel that he had rented for the night. I slept and we watched tv. Later we cried and talked about one day having our own family.

I am in college now and I’m really proud to have this life I worked so hard for. My boyfriend and I aren’t together, but we still talk occasionally. More then anything, I think we’re unified by this experience and the knowledge that we could’ve had a child together. I’m not sure how I feel about any of it. Sometimes I wish I had that child that I would’ve had, or I feel guilty. The rest of the time I know that I did what I needed to do to give myself the life I want to have.

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