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The “Talk”

How I felt at the time…

I feel that my husband and I made a good choice for two 19 year old students who were in no position to take care and provide for a child at that stage of life. We were incredibly blessed to have as our doctor a very caring and ethical person who although he perforated my uterus, rushed me to the hospital and fixed me up so I would live and also be able to have children.

How I feel now…

As a woman beyond her child bearing years I can look back and think about how it would have been wonderful to have had more children but the abortion was the perfect choice at that time in my life.

My story…

Reaching a decision sometimes happens because of one’s perception of circumstances at a particular time and place. In order to properly share my story so that it serves as an inspiration, you need to understand that growing up in my family, we didn’t sit down to have the “talk.” In fact, somehow it was assumed that we knew exactly what we were supposed to know without ever having really had our parents explain about our bodies and ourselves as sexual beings. I do not blame or point fingers; in fact, I take full responsibility for not having all my facts when I decided to “make love” for the very first time. My lover, who has been my husband for the past 35 plus years, also didn’t have very factual information about sex.

So, here we were, madly in lust and love and we had sex, unprotected, not dreaming we could get pregnant. Pregnant, I became from our first time and I didn’t even realize I was pregnant until around the middle of my third month. Having missed two periods, and feeling horrible, utterly tired and nauseated 24/7, I went to the doctor and found out I was almost three months pregnant.

My first response was I am 19 years old, a student and so is my boyfriend. We cannot have this baby because we are still babies.

Then, I discovered after being told by the doctor to think about what a joy that I was pregnant, that abortion was strictly forbidden and illegal where I was located and in the seventies.

I remember blindly wandering some streets where we knew there were multiple doctors’ offices. We saw a sign for a gynecologist and he had the first same name as my boyfriend, now my husband. Randomly, we rang the bell and told him we wanted to talk even though it was after office hours. We explained our situation to the kindest, most personable man. He told us what we wanted was illegal but he did perform abortions.

We scheduled the procedure for the next day. When I awoke after the procedure I felt such relief and joy. I felt like our lives were given a second chance and that we would never again make a mistake of such magnitude.

My husband insists he never thinks about the choice we made. I sometimes have a fleeting thought about our decision and wonder what would have happened if we hadn’t made our decision to have the abortion. Today, we are most blessed with children who fill our every dream of having reared good people with warm hearts and many talents. We know that being more mature when we decided to bring children to life has benefited our life together as a couple as well as permitted us to be the best parents we knew and know how to be.

Can I tell someone else, have an abortion and all your problems will be solved? NO! Can I tell someone to have a baby/child because abortion is wrong? NO! We are the stewards of our bodies and our world and having a baby is a choice that has ramifications that no other choice we face in our lives embodies. The personal and important decision of having an abortion is up to the woman and often her man, her partner. For us, we made the correct decision to have the abortion based on the circumstances of the times and place we were in our lives at nineteen. For us we made the proper choice. Our hope today is that other women will continue to be able to make this choice safely and legally.

2 Responses to “The “Talk””

  1. katick Says:

    I’ve been in a similar situation many years ago. It was strange and supportive to read this story. Keep posting!

  2. Romeee Says:

    This is really good to see something like this.

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