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Not My First Rodeo…

How old was I when I had my abortion?

20 and 35.

What year did I have my abortion?

1996 and 2012.

How I felt at the time…

Fearful and unprepared.

How I feel now…

Mixed emotions.

My story…

11/26/1996 – 20 yrs old, in a casual, non-committed relationship, I was in no way financially or emotionally ready to care for a child, let alone share custody, etc with a college “friend” for 18+ years…additionally, I was taking anti-convulsive medications that weren’t recommended for use during pregnancy. He left his half of the cost of the procedure in an envelope on my pillow, my mother & best friend drove me across state lines & I had a surgical abortion. I believe I was 6-8 weeks.

Fast forward. 11/12/2004, 28 yrs old, the best day of my life, my husband, whom I’d been with for nearly 7 yrs, welcomed our first child. A planned pregnancy. The day I truly believed miracles happen.

And finally, today. 6/25/2012. I’ll be 36 in 4 days, still married to my wonderful husband, our 7 yr old son is the light off our life. Due to poor economy and unforeseen circumstances, we are financially unstable, our credit ruined, I’ve recently lost my job, we are feeling emotionally beat down by life and struggle to keep it all together for our son’s sake, and I found out I’m pregnant a week ago. We are scared to bring another child into this world of uncertainty and chaos. I’m so conflicted now that I know how much of a gift a baby is, especially with someone you love, having an incredible child together already. But still more afraid to go along with the pregnancy than to abort and not add any more irons to the fire off life we are already fighting. Tomorrow, I will surgically abort my 6 week old fetus, never telling a soul for fear of rejection. I’m trying to convince myself that this is the best for our son now. We don’t need to add to the instability in our life now. Not to mention outer ages once the baby goes to college.


One Response to “Not My First Rodeo…”

  1. admin Says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story – many mothers are faced with the same conflict and we understand how difficult it can be. We’re here for you! All our best to you and your family.

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