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Archive for the ‘Surgical Abortions’ Category

Dragonfly Diaries

Monday, August 1st, 2011

How I felt at the time…

Scared, worried if I was making a mistake.

How I feel now…

A bit of grieving, but a lot of relief at the same time.

How old was I when I had my abortion?

21.

My story…

I am 21 years old…I have always wanted a baby, and three weeks ago i found out i was pregnant. I was beyond overjoyed…i told my boyfriend and he was very unsure about the situation. he wanted me to have an abortion from the moment he found out…..
I was devestated. I wanted more than anything to be a mother…to keep the baby. I went ahead with the thought that nobody could take my baby from me and that i could be a single mother. I wasnt going to let anyone tell me otherwise.
So I announced to my friends and family that i would be having a baby, and everyone was super excited. my mother made little dresses for if it were a girl…and my aunt gave me a rockerchair for the baby too. people were planning baby showers and i couldnt help but get attatched and more happy.
I saw an ultrasound of my baby at 7 weeks, and it hit me. i couldnt do it alone. No matter how badly i wanted to be a mother….i couldnt do it alone. Not to mention the fact that my boyfriend told me he was planning on taking me to court for custodial rights if i chose to have the baby. It was too much stress, and no good for my baby. I wanted everything to be perfect, and i wanted the perfect life for my child.
I called planned parenthood and scheduled an in clinic surgical abortion. It was a two week wait before they could get me in. Two whole weeks of wondering if i was making the right choice….or a mistake….a big one.
The wednesday night before the appointment I spent the night over my now ex boyfriends house. The plan was to spend the night, and he was going to take me to the appointment in the morning. That way he could be there for me, at least once through my situation.
I slept very poorly that night. We woke up, and drove very quietly for the hour that it took to ge to the clinic.
There was a very long wait, before the actual procedure. Bloodwork, std tests, counceling and several cigarette breaks. also a woman outside the gates of the clinic yelling about jesus….and that i was doing the wrong thing.
When the nurse came back…it was time. and i was pretty well held together until i got into the room. They try to make it a comfortable relaxing place…..but there is no covering up the death in that room.
I sat on the table with my boyfriend in the chair next to me…the tears started to flow, and they didnt stop.
The shot that they gave me in my cervix didnt hurt at all…It was the tubes they inserted that hurt the most….that and the actual moving and sucking. I cried the hardest i have ever cried, from pain and from the fact that i was losing my child. I had to hold myself back from screaming from the pain and the emotions that i was experiencing. I said i silent “im so sorry baby…” and said goodbye to my child. The procedure was finished in about ten minutes. I was running a fever of 102. and my blood pressure was very high…but as soon as i had the strength they moved me to a room with reclining chair and a heating pad, and the nurse put a cold cloth on my forehead and gave me some gingerale…to ease my stomach.
I didnt cry on the way home. And took a hot bath. I wonder if i made the right choice, and i have cried several times since then. It has only been two days since my abortion….and I know that i have come out of it with a stronger sense of the world we live in. I know it sounds stupid….but I have never believed in abortions, I thought that they were for the poor, girls who were too young….or anybody who had been raped. I know now that abortions are common, and 1 in 3 women will have at least one by age 35. I personally would never do it again….but if you are in a place where you need the help…and you cant seem to decide…talk to someone. talk to several people….get their opinions. many women have different stories to share….everyone has a different experience. I am a stronger woman because of the choice i made….and yes, i may feel regret and guilt right now….that is normal…and in time…i will be ok. Because no matter how it hurt, both physically and emotionally……I know that i made the right decision. and i did not take a life…i saved one. and when i am with a man that i will be with forever, and in love and truly ready…then i will be a mother….but until then, i chose to have an iud put in. now im good for five years. and until i am ready…i will not have to make that decision again. no more surprises for this chica. i wish you all the best of luck…wether you have already had an abortion…or you are simply trying to make a choice. I wont push you either way….but what i will say is that it isnt a joke or something you can just do. Abortion is a very serious decision, and everyone should be totally informed either way.
Good luck and much love
Delilah

Worried

Sunday, July 17th, 2011

How I felt at the time…

Worried

How I feel now…

Better after reading other stories.

How old was I when I had my abortion?

24.

What type of abortion did I have?

Vacuum aspiration.

Where was my abortion performed?

Little Rock Planned Parenthood.

How far along was I?

7-8 weeks.

Who did I tell?

Mom, sister, boyfriend, grandmother, boss, therapist, doctor.

My story…

I’m 24 years old and found out on June 24th 2011 that i was pregnant, I had a break down in the bathroom after seeing the positive, i was only 4 days late for my period and i assumed if was from all the medications i had been on along with all the stress in my life. Let me explain my stress and my medications 1st my stress like i said im 24 years old, when i was 18 i started working in a 911 dispatch center. i did not know the mental and emotional stress this would put me under. I was able to keep the issues from work buried down deep inside and never deal with them and then in April of this year i had a massive mental break down i cried all the time couldn’t work didn’t want to do anything. So i went to a doctor who told me i had major depressive disorder, anxiety, and post traumatic disorder. So i have been on Zoloft 50mg, then Zoloft 100mg, xanax .25mg, then changed to lexapro 40mg and 2 a day dosage of xanax .5mg. I know that im not ready for a child when i myself am not emotionally or mentally stable to have a child, now before anyone starts saying the wonderful “you should have used protection thing” My gyno did not think i would ever be able to get pregnant my ex husband and i tried for over 2 years and i never got pregnant cause when i was 18 i had callused cyst removed from both my ovaries and endometriosis, but i did get pregnant by my new boyfriend and it was a shocker. I have always been very pro choice in certain situations like rape,incest, baby born with birth defects or being born mentally retarded and never knowing a real life. I’m having my abortion procedure tomorrow and im so scared, i haven’t been worried about it till today the day before i go in, i know this will be something that ill have to think about the rest of my life, but to me i feel like im doing the right thing. i also don’t feel like a baby murder because when i saw my ultra sound they said the baby was the size of a sesame seed, no organs had been formed and they had no heart beat yet, so to me this is not like killing a baby. I just do hope that women know you do have a choice in your life, if you feel like you cant take care of your child due to mental and emotional issues in your life take care of yourself first, my doctor also warned me that since i have depression i have a 100% chance of getting post part-um after the baby is born and that’s just as bad. I hope my story helps someone cause the stories i have read have helped me a lot. thank you.

Parental Consent

Friday, June 10th, 2011

This is not a story of my own abortion, but of my daughters. She’s seventeen and she recently, without telling either her father or I, had an abortion by getting a judge to waive the parental involvement laws that, in the state we live in, mandate that a youth younger than eighteen receive parental agreement to their child’s choice to abortion. I only found this out by finding paperwork from a clinic detailing the results of her pregnancy test and pre-op information for her abortion. When I found the paperwork, I was initially livid- why would she do this without discussing it with us? How could she have gotten herself in this situation? I remember thinking- she’s such a good girl- while knowing that “good girl” or not, everyone makes mistakes. After the anger subsided, I was heartbroken. I’m her mother, and I’m a woman. I could’ve helped her, I could’ve made it easier for her and nursed her back to health, emotionally and physically. I could’ve explained to her that she doesn’t need to hide this decision, this huge part of her life- that her father and I would understand. I cried for days and was unable to look at her or hold a conversation with her.

Finally, because I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I sat her down and gently asked her why she did this without telling me or her father. She immediately started crying, which only made me cry, and said that she was embarrassed and ashamed and didn’t want to disappoint us or let us down. It broke my heart and I tried my best to explain to her that we wouldn’t have judged her, that we would’ve supported her decision and that she could’ve put herself at risk by not telling us.

It was a good moment and opened a new form of communication between us, but it also made me consider issues I’ve never thought of before. The shame and embarrassment surrounding abortion alienates people, especially women, and the states that require parental consent for abortion can easily lead to desperate, misinformed teens making bad and dangerous decisions. It’s important that we culturally move past the shame surrounding abortion and learn to speak freely about it- with our daughters and our mothers, but also with the men in our lives, with our sons and brothers and fathers.

 

 

Two days ago

Wednesday, May 18th, 2011

Two days ago I had an abortion. While I am thoroughly pro-choice and always have been, I’ve always had a little voice in my head that told me that if it came down to it, I wouldn’t personally have an abortion. I was lucky to be well informed about sex education and never had to deal with even facing that situation as  teen or in my twenties. But I’m now 31, married and I have a two year old child. I’ve been switching birth controls trying to find a better pill for me (my hormones are messed up from my pregnancy), and believed that my birth control was protecting me from pregnancy when it wasn’t.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was beyond confused. I felt like the world was collapsing around me, but I couldn’t understand why. I have a beautiful daughter, and she’s the most important thing in my life (besides my husband), but both my husband and I only wanted one child. But knowing the highs and emotional attachment to my baby I felt during pregnancy, I had a really hard time and a lot of guilt coming to terms with the decision that I was going to abort my second child. My husband was wonderful throughout and very supportive. We discussed it over and over again and came to terms with the fact that we like our life the way it is, that we only have resources to properly raise one child well and that this is a very sad, unfortunate situation, but that we have to follow our hearts.

I went to the doctor and was told I was four weeks along, but it would be better to wait to have the abortion until I was at least six weeks. Over the next two weeks I did a lot of thinking and a lot of crying, but I knew, deep down, that I didn’t want another child and there was no way I could give my baby up for adoption.

The abortion itself was fine- it was much like any of the countless obgyn appointments I had when I was pregnant. Afterwards, I felt slightly ill or tipsy, like I was drunk- maybe from the anesthetic they gave me- but emotionally, I felt okay. My husband was with me the whole way and we got home and sat with our daughter and talked about how blessed we were to have her and how blessed we were to have the options of family planning and birth control and abortion that could let us create the life we want to have.

 

High-Risk and Scared

Sunday, April 17th, 2011

How I felt at the time…

Numb.

How I feel now…

Sad but relieved.

How old was I when I had my abortion?

19 1/2

Who did I tell?

Only my family.

I am a sophomore in college – only 19, and had been dating the man I intend to marry for 7 months (he is 28) when I discovered I was 4 weeks pregnant. For 2 weeks I thought I’d keep it- but 2 ER visits, 5 ultrasounds, and 6 blood draws later I had enough. I was diagnosed with a septate uterus- which means I have a septum that splits my uterus. People with my condition have anywhere from a 4-84% chance of miscarrying their child, delivering a stillborn in the 2nd trimester, or a premature birth.

I loved my baby, I even named it. The Dad loved it too. My father was supportive of my decision while my mom practically disowned me as she is a pro lifer while I am pro choice. I never wanted to get rid of my baby. But I didn’t even know if it’d survive and me and my boyfriend can barely afford our house together.

The staff and Doctor were really nice, they put me to sleep for the procedure- I woke up  alone in a recovery room- I had slight amnesia apparently I had taken some pills for pain and had a small discussion but I don’t recall it- the nurse informed me. The pain was the most horrible cramping ever… but the lortab they gave me started working an hour later and it went away. As I write this I got the abortion today. It was the hardest thing I’ll ever do.

I love you, little baby. And I hope that once I get my defective uterus surgically fixed I will be able to be blessed with a healthy child.

Over the Hills and Far Away

Thursday, January 20th, 2011

How I felt at the time…

Sad, deflated, confused, yet extremely lucky to have a boyfriend that was/is so supportive

How I feel now…

Still sad and at times extremely emotional about it.  Somewhat relieved.

How old was I when I had my abortion?

26

How far along was I?

10 weeks.

Who did I tell?

My boss, my best friend and my sister.

My story…

“In two days it will be 2 months since I had my abortion.  About 4 months ago I fell in love.  Head over heels.  I’ve known Dan for almost two years.  We worked together.  I always thought he was kind of an asshole.  For some crazy reason we decided to hang out, and from that day forward I haven’t looked back.
The night before I found out I was pregnant I got really sick.  I surprised him when he got back from work and ordered our favorite kind of pizza with ice cream and breadsticks and pop.  As soon as we sat down and started eating I got kind of nauseous and odd feeling.  I tried to conceal the fact that I was feeling really weird so as not to ruin our dinner together.  But it got to the point where I couldn’t hide it anymore.  I ended up crouched on the floor.  He didn’t leave my side.  He was very attentive.  I had no idea what was wrong.  Well actually, I did.  I knew I was late for my period.  We finally ended up falling asleep.  He had to work the next day.  Almost as soon as he left, I went to buy a pregnancy test.  I just wanted to clear my mind and just be sure I wasn’t pregnant.  Almost as soon as I got back, and before I had taken my test, he called me and begged me to go to the hospital (because of the night before).  About 15 minutes after I hung up with him, I took the test.  Almost immediately it came back as positive.  I am pretty positive my heart skipped a beat.  Maybe two. 
I cried.  I could not wait for him to get home from work.  I knew I couldn’t sit at his apartment all day and wait to tell him.  I needed to see him.  I needed him to comfort me.  But then I thought about what his reaction would be.  Would he be angry?  Would he break up with me?
I called him and told him I desperately needed to talk to him, but I couldn’t talk to him over the phone.  He said he would call me back in 10 minutes.  He called me back in 10 minutes and he was already on the highway.
Then I started freaking out about what I was going to say.  I looked like complete garbage.  I figured I would try and soften the blow by trying to look half way decent…so I combed my hair, ran the straightener through it and put some makeup on.  It didn’t help much.  My eyes were already puffy and streaky from crying.  I then made the bed and sat indian style on it.  I waited.  It seemed like 5 hours before I heard him come in the front door.  It sounded like he almost ran back to the bedroom.  He opened the door slowly and looked at me.  He took his coat off as he walked over to the bed.  He threw his coat on the floor and sat down next to me.  He looked very concerned as he grabbed my hands in his and asked me what was going on.  I cried into his chest.  I covered my face and just sobbed into his shirt.  I remember when he pulled my face up to look at me, I saw the wet spot that I had left on the front of his work shirt. 
“”I’m pregnant,”” I said as I burst into tears again.  He just held me.  He held me really tightly.  I literally just sobbed for a few minutes.  He caressed my back and kept saying “”everything is going to be okay””. 

(more…)

I exercised my right to choose

Wednesday, December 15th, 2010

How I felt at the time…

Stupid, scared, confused

How I feel now…

At peace

Who I told…

My best guy friend, my sister, my stepmom, and my dad

Who came with me to my abortion…

My stepdad

How old was I…

20

My story…

When the word “Pregnant” showed up on that pee stick I thought my world was over. I saw my college and professional careers go down the tube. I saw many of my relationships crumble or strain. I saw the looks of disappointment on many of my family members faces. I saw my world end. All of this flooding my mind in what seemed like ten minutes, but was only ten seconds. Yes, I was probably overreacting, but I’m 20 and in college… It tends to happen. As I put my hand on my belly and put the test up to the light for the tenth time to make sure I wasn’t misreading it, I knew in the back of my head there was no way that I could keep it. It wasn’t the right time in my life at all. I was getting ready to start my junior year of college. There was no way I could financially or academically take off a semester, let alone a year of school to be pregnant.  It wasn’t possible.
I walked out of the bathroom and into the living room to break the news to my dad. As tears began to run down my face he got up and hugged me. He promised me that no matter what my decision was he was behind me the whole way through. He kept his promise, taking me to all of the appointments and supporting me through it all.
Since then I’ve had to deal with friends who don’t know about what happened making comments about abortions and people who get them, throwing around terms like “baby killers” and “heartless” like nothings. I’ve had to walk through the demonstrations by our on-campus “pro-life” group. It’s become easier to brush these aside and not let them hurt me, but it still happens. The thing is I’m not heartless. Hell, I’m going to school to be a teacher! I also practically raised my baby sister. That’s exactly how I knew I wasn’t ready. I just remind myself that those people don’t know me. They don’t know my story. They don’t know how I felt or what I experienced. I’m at peace with myself, and to me that’s all that matters.
What it all comes down to what that It was my decision and my life. I can’t change my decision, nor would I ever. I followed my head and my heart, and my story would have been completely different if I hadn’t.

I hope this helps her

Sunday, December 12th, 2010

How I felt at the time…

Angry at myself.

How I feel now…

Proud that I have a choice.

My story…

Honestly I am just looking for a place to share my story and provide hope and love to those who are going through the same thing I went through.  I guess you can stay I started my journey running 13.1 miles and then hopping on a plane the next day  to go on vacation with my best friend to celebrate the 1/2 marathon we had just ran. I had met a guy on vacation at the same location last year and I was super excited to visit him again. While I was there I pretty much felt indestructible and we just used the pull out method. I came home from my trip and attributed my week and a half late period to my excessive exercise over the past month.  Finally on a Thursday,  after 2 weeks of being late I took 3 tests and they all where positive. I was devastated… “how could this happen to me?”

I was so upset and didn’t know where to turn so I went online. I found a local clinic that did abortions and didn’t hesitate to make an appointment that Saturday. I was all alone in my apartment until that appointment and that Friday I had experienced the worst panic attack of my life. I just kept seeing my parents faces as I told them .. and when I got nervous I went online  and found sites and resources abut abortions and feelings. Finally, Saturday came and I was beyond nervous. I walked into the clinic and I finally felt at ease, everyone was as nice as their patients said they were on their website. I went into to appointment knowing that I was at most 4 weeks along and having done research I decided I wanted a medial abortion.  I met with a councilor and talked about my options and I went home with an appointment that Tuesday to get the medical abortion. I went home and started to get nervous again about my decision so I went online I read and read reviews from women about the medical abortion and then decided it was not for me .  I called and switched to the surgical abortion with twilight sedation for an appointment that Wednesday.

As I walked into the clinic to get the abortion I was so nervous but I knew it would only last 2 to 5 min and I probably wouldn’t remember anything. I was waiting in the room with my best friend when they called my name along with another girls name. Myself the nurse and the other patient rose the elevator together and then myself and the other patient were in the waiting room together. I am outgoing and even when I am nervous you can’t shut me up so I started a conversation with the other patient it turned out that it was her second time getting an abortion she she helped to calm me down.  So next thing I knew they called my name so I went in and got an iv and then I was in the room all ready to go . Once they administered the medicine I didn’t remember anything . I just remembered sitting in the recovery room with the other nice girl from the waiting room.  Both of us had to wait 30 min before we could leave and I never got a chance to thank her for everything she did for me but just the nice smile and the you will be ok went a long way. I left the clinic and had minimal cramping and bleeding for the next 24 hours. I was up and back to work the next day.

I wanted to show through my story that it took less then I week for everything to be completed and that it did not hurt that bad for me .  I feel so empowered to know that I made the right choice for me.  I hope that if you are reading this and thinking about an abortion you will know that God loves you and always knows what it is in your heart. You are strong and can make the right decision for you and there is ALWAYS somewhere for you to turn for support or help . There are may wonderful pro-chocie websites and hotlines that are dedicated to supporting woman and their rights. Having an abortion was my CHOICE and I am so thankful to all of the people who have made it possible for me to have that option.

How old was I when I had my abortion?

24

How far along was I?

5 weeks.

Fine

Thursday, November 4th, 2010

How I felt at the time…

Fine.

How I feel now…

Fine.

My story…

I don’t think about my abortion very much. I’m very conscious of the fact that I’ve had one, and that somehow lumps me into one category rather than another, but I never feel an emotional connection to my abortion, or the child that would’ve existed if I hadn’t chosen abortion. Then recently, a friend emailed me and told me that several days ago she went back to the gynecologist’s office where we both had our abortions performed. She said, for some reason or another, that this time, instead of taking her to the examination room, they took her to the back room, where they perform the abortions. She couldn’t bear being there- she said she wanted to lash out, destroy the room, destroy the people in it and run out without getting her parking validated.

What I didn’t tell her is that I had been back to that room since my abortion, that I had sat on the examination table, my feet in the stirrups, and pleasantly chitchatted with the doctor. I knew it was the same room, and I had remembered everything that occured in it, but it just didn’t affect me. Just like I felt after my abortion, I couldn’t pretend to be sad, or grieving. I couldn’t pretend to be anything except really what I was- pissed that I made a mistake that took a toll on my body, pissed that I had to lie about it to the people in my life, and pissed that there was an element of shame present that there shouldn’t have been.

I’m sure I’ll come off as being heartless or something, but it’s just the truth. I wouldn’t choose to have an abortion, and I don’t want to have another abortion, but I had one, and I’m fine with it. And I know that’s just me. Everyone’s different. But for me, it’s as simple as the fact that, for whatever reason- lack of sex education, negligence, whatever- I got pregnant and had to have an abortion.

How old was I when I had my abortion?

24.

How far along was I?

Two months.

My girlfriend had an abortion

Friday, October 15th, 2010

We had the abortion about a year ago, before valentine’s day. She found out she was six weeks pregnant and we discussed what we wanted to do. We debated for awhile about whether to have it or not.  I did consider all the fun, exciting parts of having a child, but was also scared of the emotional and financial reality. I eventually told her that I wasn’t ready for a child. She agreed that she felt the same. Later she told me that she believed that was my way of telling her I shouldn’t be depended upon. Maybe she was right. We went back and forth for awhile. Neither of us could really decide who she be making the decision.  Neither of us wanted to be the one to say, lets have an abortion, lets have a baby. She finally said that if neither of us really wanted a child, we should have an abortion.I agreed. I was grateful that that’s what she decided.

That was pretty much the last active role that I played. She found a doctor, I’m not sure how. We went to see the doctor  and made an appointment for a week later. During that week, my gf became withdrawn and tense, and I became frustrated.I tried to speak with her about it, but she said that I couldn’t understand. She asked me to not tell anyone, and although I thought that was a bad idea, I agreed.

The day of the appointment we both took off work and I drove her to the office and went in with her. The doctor was an obgyn, and the waiting room was filled with babies. It wasn’t a positive experience. My girlfriend went into the appointment alone. When she came out, I was desperate to ask her questions, but I didn’t. We went out to lunch and she said she felt relieved.

It took awhile, but we eventually talked it through. She said she felt alone through the process and ashamed that she felt shame about having an abortion. She said it was confusing because a part of her did want the baby, but knew she couldn’t give it the life she wanted to, which brought up other issues.  I told her that I felt she shut me out and it was unfair to ask me to keep it a secret.  We both eventually talked about it with friends, which was definitely for the best.